This is the first year that in the traditional sense I can celebrate Mother's Day and it's been an interesting slew of emotions. So, since I'm up at 1 am with heartburn and I'm feeling all emotional because I can't stop thinking about all of the amazing women in my life, I thought I'd write about it.
Let me start out by explaining that I don't love Mother's Day. I do love my mother though. I think she so is amazing! She is such a loving person and I don't know many people who work as hard as her. When I think about the experiences that she had in raising 5 daughters, I am just so impressed that she not only put up with us, but did so lovingly. I can't imagine that my sisters and I made things easy for her and thinking about the amount of stress that we added to her life, I hope that the joy that we brought and will still bring to her can outweigh that. The thing about Mother's Day for me though, is that I feel like it cheapens the way that I am able to show my love for my mom. I know that it doesn't change the fact that I can tell her I love her every day, but it makes me feel like if I don't find just the right gift to express my gratitude at her willingness to bring me into this world and care for me, then I'm not being grateful that she's my mother. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know I'll never find a gift that can truly express my love for my mom, so I hope that I can show her in my words and actions that she is the best.
Now, not to discount anything that I have just said about my wonderful mother, I also take issue with Mother's Day because there are so many women, who do not fall into the traditional category of mother, who deserve the love and admiration that mothers get. I hope I can explain this the way that it feels in my heart. I think about women who do not or cannot have children often on Mother's Day, whether it is their choice or not to be childless. It makes my heart hurt to think that they don't have the chance to feel the amazing love from someone this day each year that I have toward my own mother. Every woman should have the chance to be appreciated for their divine role as nurturers in our society today. I think about Dar, my god-mom, who has been such an amazing influence for good in my life, and just know that she deserves to be celebrated on Mother's Day also. I celebrate her, not to discount the love I have for my mom, but because she has also been integral in my raising. Just because she did not birth me, doesn't mean that she doesn't love me less than if she had. There isn't a day during the year that is set up for me to tell her that I love her also, so I choose to share this day with her. I really hope that she and my mom both know that celebrating them both does not take away from celebrating them individually. I know that they each have unique roles in my life and I am glad that there is an excuse once a year to be overly emotional in expressing the gratitude that I have for them, even when a greeting card cannot do the sentiment justice.
Along similar lines to explaining that all women should be celebrated, I think about how I felt on Mother's Days past. I know that my reactions to past holidays were my own sour puss moods because that's the way that I chose to look at things, but I also know that there are probably a lot of women who share my feelings. Prior to this year, when Jon and I are now expecting children to join our family, I felt like Mother's Day was a holiday for rubbing salt in the wound that we might not have children. It made me sad the years when we were struggling to become pregnant to think that I might never have a child, let alone a child who would feel the same love for me that I had for my own mother. It was a reminder that even though I had the righteous desire to be a caregiver to a precious child, that the desire might not be enough to get a child here to share my life with. During those years I struggled to explain to Jon how I was feeling, rather I made outlandish demands of delicious breakfast or my favorite dinner on Mother's Day to help cover up the way I was really feeling. He was such a trooper and always went along with it, but I am glad that this year I could tell him that none of those things matter anymore. I know that being pregnant has helped me to be able to move past my sour puss feelings, but I like to hope that even if we weren't blessed with these growing babies that I would see the value in just showing love for all women on this day. I know that Jon values me as his wife and, that in the years past, even when we weren't expecting, that he still loved me and my potential to be a nurturer to his future children. I am so glad that he put up with my silly demands and that he's been there to help me see that God has a plan in all of this.
I guess where I am going in all of this is just to say that this Mother's Day I am feeling extra grateful for God's plan to send us to Earth in families, whether they be birth families, or the families of people we choose to love who surround us. I've come to really see that although having a holiday to remind us to express our love is great, it's even better to express that love year round. I don't think greeting cards or chocolates are necessary for the celebration of love between us, I think it's more genuine when we find simple ways to show that we care. I keep singing the song from the movie Enchanted in my head, "That's How You Know." Although the song does give examples of going on picnics and buying flowers, it's mostly about showing the other person that you love them through your every day words and deeds. I hope that this Mother's Day and in years to come, that I can find ways to show my family that I love them. I also hope that I can find a way to express these feeling of love and understanding for the plan that God has for us in my lesson at church tomorrow. When I originally started preparing it I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed. The theme is the power of faith and character, which seemed rather vague at first, but I think I see now, that it's really a lesson all about attitude. I pray that I'll be able to share my changed attitude toward this holiday with the women at church and express my love for them and the examples that they set for me as well.
Now that I have rambled for an hour, I should probably try to sleep again so that I don't end up rambling forever at church tomorrow. If you take anything away from my post though, I hope it's this, you are loved. I know it's the day for loving my mom, and I do and I'll tell her too, but we can celebrate mothers because of God's plan to send us to Earth in family units, and that plan alone is evidence that we are all so loved. Sorry if that's preachy, but it's how I'm feeling tonight/ this morning.